I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
