he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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