so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
