smell my finger.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
