also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
