I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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