dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
