Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
