please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
