Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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