not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
