his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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