Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
