just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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