I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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