I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
