ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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