why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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