Are we in a gay sports bar?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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