Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
