you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
