At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
