i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
