That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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