fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
