So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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