i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
