What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
