arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
