I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
