ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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