My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
