so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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