Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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