I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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