There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
