I skipped work to stalk him.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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