ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
