some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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