i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
