You just made me feel so damn special
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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