"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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