You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
