The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
