if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
