i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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