so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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