ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
