before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
