my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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