So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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