I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize