How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
