Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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