it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
