I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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