not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
foreskin is a definite game changer
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
