Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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