The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
