On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
