I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
