I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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