It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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