Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
