what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
