you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
