So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
