What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
