It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
did i just pee glitter
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
