mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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