U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
