Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
